avoiding stress=1. avoiding work 2. avoiding procrastination
1. avoiding work=watching tv= a. feeling shitty about avoiding work b. never doing the work and saying, fuckithahaha!
a.feeling shitty about avoiding work=coming back to a pile of shit with less time to do it.
b. never doing the work and saying fuckithahaha!=being fucked for life.
2. avoiding procrastination=doing work=not sleeping= a. being grumpy and stressed b. feeling accomplished and being a happy and positive person in general.
i'm definitely NOT 2b. more like 1a. and failing at 2a.
i'm not stressed out and cranky or anything. just hella positive, yo!
zomggg I LOVEEE midterms <3 <3 <3 <3 <3333
WHO KNOWS HOW TO CHANGE THIS BACKGROUND? SOMEONE GET ON IT PLEASE. BLACK IS NO LONGER COOL.
1.30.2011
1.14.2011
I am not heartless
When we see people who are alone, almost unwillingly, we become sorry for them. Could this empathy be evolutionary in nature? Evolution has shaped us, without knowing, to put passing on our genes as a necessity. Do we pity people who are alone because they will never have that opportunity? No. I don't think evolution would have selected for empathy. Evolutionarily-wise, shouldn't we be happy when someone is alone because then they are not our competition? Why aren't we happy when we see people who are maimed or diseased? Aren't they too, in some ways, not going to prosper as well in this gene driven world? Are people who are lonely, driven to suicide because they will never have that opportunity? With no contribution to the gene pool, taking themselves out of the equation, like some twisted form of kin selection, would allow others to proliferate, no? When disabled, do we become depressed because somewhere, millions of years ago, it was hardwired into us that disabilities were not conducive to prospering? What is the origin of empathy?
Are thoughts of suicide a result of millions of years of gentle manipulation to our genetic material? After all, psychologically imbalanced people who commit suicide are preventing themselves from passing on defective genes (Of course, not all mental diseases are genetically based). Are suicidal instincts therefore, one of nature's ways of tidying up the gene pool?
Don't worry.I am not a psychopath. I realize this is highly insensitive. Obviously, I haven't really thought this through;these were just some thoughts I had today. Please don't take this seriously.
Are thoughts of suicide a result of millions of years of gentle manipulation to our genetic material? After all, psychologically imbalanced people who commit suicide are preventing themselves from passing on defective genes (Of course, not all mental diseases are genetically based). Are suicidal instincts therefore, one of nature's ways of tidying up the gene pool?
Don't worry.I am not a psychopath. I realize this is highly insensitive. Obviously, I haven't really thought this through;these were just some thoughts I had today. Please don't take this seriously.
1.13.2011
Happy birthday to me!
and Goodbye childhood.
I've been twenty for two hours now. My family called when everyone was trying to sing to me, so I didn't really get to talk. I want to call home but I think I'll probably end up crying on the phone so I probably shouldn't. I'd be so ostracized if anyone read this, but the only sure thing that I know won't change is my family. The friends that I make here may come and go, and I may love them so obnoxiously right now, but who knows if I still will the next month? In fifteen years? I should've talked to my family on the phone and made my friends wait. Not so great decisions.
The saddest and the hardest part about getting older is accepting the way things are. Starting with I'm not going to be able to be fed and babied by my parents forever, and that there will always be ups and downs in my life, and that not everything lasts forever and that growing up means parting with things that don't belong in your adulthood life. But on the upside, now that I am twenty, there is only one more year to wait until I can go to Elephant Bar and legally order a drink, and.....
and....
and......
and....
AND...?
I'm sure I'll get wiser.
and hopefully a little smarter.
I wish I was home and my mom made me seaweed soup for my birthday. Not that the first two hours of my birthday haven't been great. But I miss what I'm used to. I can't tell if I'm just bummed because I miss home or because I'm an old fartbag.
Ok. As a twenty year old, I'd like to be less arrogant, selfish, and judgmental. I'd like to be more caring, warm, and gracious. I'll leave my foolish, arrogant, judgmental parts of me (not all of it, of course) and try to act more grownup.
Updates:
My life was consumed by recruitment for the past week and two days and if there's one thing that I learned, it's that this world is a very judgmental and superficial and scary scary place where you need to protect your mental health.
My search for my perfect summer internship has not ended.
and lastly, I continue to be stunned by the crazies that are in this world. By crazies, I mean the people delusional with whatever the media and the government and other institutions have created. And that last sentence was totally not what my more grownup self should be saying.
But then again, who knows what grownups should be saying?!
I've been twenty for two hours now. My family called when everyone was trying to sing to me, so I didn't really get to talk. I want to call home but I think I'll probably end up crying on the phone so I probably shouldn't. I'd be so ostracized if anyone read this, but the only sure thing that I know won't change is my family. The friends that I make here may come and go, and I may love them so obnoxiously right now, but who knows if I still will the next month? In fifteen years? I should've talked to my family on the phone and made my friends wait. Not so great decisions.
The saddest and the hardest part about getting older is accepting the way things are. Starting with I'm not going to be able to be fed and babied by my parents forever, and that there will always be ups and downs in my life, and that not everything lasts forever and that growing up means parting with things that don't belong in your adulthood life. But on the upside, now that I am twenty, there is only one more year to wait until I can go to Elephant Bar and legally order a drink, and.....
and....
and......
and....
AND...?
I'm sure I'll get wiser.
and hopefully a little smarter.
I wish I was home and my mom made me seaweed soup for my birthday. Not that the first two hours of my birthday haven't been great. But I miss what I'm used to. I can't tell if I'm just bummed because I miss home or because I'm an old fartbag.
Ok. As a twenty year old, I'd like to be less arrogant, selfish, and judgmental. I'd like to be more caring, warm, and gracious. I'll leave my foolish, arrogant, judgmental parts of me (not all of it, of course) and try to act more grownup.
Updates:
My life was consumed by recruitment for the past week and two days and if there's one thing that I learned, it's that this world is a very judgmental and superficial and scary scary place where you need to protect your mental health.
My search for my perfect summer internship has not ended.
and lastly, I continue to be stunned by the crazies that are in this world. By crazies, I mean the people delusional with whatever the media and the government and other institutions have created. And that last sentence was totally not what my more grownup self should be saying.
But then again, who knows what grownups should be saying?!
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