in my nature?

It's 7:06 and I sit here in the furthest corner from the Silent Room entrance in the West Valley Library. My purpose in coming to the library was to start and finish my chapter 17 homework packet for physics class and also to learn what the hell chapter 17 is about, because I have a test on it. So after getting hella efffing lost on my way here and realizing that I didn't even bring my Holt Physics textbook, I sat down in my seat around 4:30. And in the past two and a half hours, I've done four problems on worksheet 17A, cleaned out my ripped blue-matte folder, organized its contents by classes, put all the papers back into my ripped folder, ate an apple, memorized the Coulomb constant, and started a formula card with three equations on it. I have not watched a single episode of any of my shows; I haven't spent any time searching for Sarah Walker (Yvonne Stohvski)'s red and blue dresses; I haven't talked on the phone or chatted with anyone for an extensive amount of time.

All my pms-emotions allow for me to do is sigh. Maybe I'll go home and have a good cry in the privacy of my room, but as for now, my hormones are making me sigh like I'm having an asthma attack. I'm trying to balance this down-low mood of mine by listening to rap and my playlist is currently playing "No W" by Flobots. I can't understand what the song is about, but it's great. Oooh, I just heard "hip hop" and that is the only word that I distinctively heard on this song.

In the midst of my asthma attack-like mood, I ask my self, why do I still give a shit about school? I mean, really. My grades don't matter and I don't feel like I'm learning anything crucial to my life. I appreciate what we're doing in Lit and I do care about that class, it's just that I haven't been reading much lately. So my conclusion is that it's in my nature to care about school. Not enough for me to achieve perfect records (although, I'd like to argue that I did try pretty hard. I just don't have enough brains, endurance, long enough of an attention span or self discipline.), but too much for me to completely let go.

Yeah, completely letting go would probably be bad. Because I guess that means being a high school drop out. Hm, maybe it's not in my nature. Maybe it's just my brains understanding that being a high school drop out would ruin my life. Oh, yeah. That's it. Okay, so it's not in my nature to care about school. The reason why I still care about school is that my head fully comprehends the consequences of a high school dropout's life.

Hahhah, okay.

So this has been a pointless post. Sorry for wasting my life and your life.

Well, maybe it hasn't been so pointless at all.

No. It has.

omg please, pms leave me alone
because you make me sigh
and i think ican't un derstand the ra
p that i a m listening to beetlejuice baby
so mothafucka thats why they call me
beetle juice beca
use you make me sig hso much

I think I'd make a horrible Faulkner. And that poet who never used any correct punctuations or grammar.

"Beetle Juice" by Charles Hamilton.

I blame it all on PMS. Hahaha I remember that Erin once showed me a magnet that she has, which says, "My biggest fear is that PMS doesn't exist and that this is my real personality." Well, that's certainly not my biggest fear, but the thought certainly does scare me.

I blame it all on PMS. The library closes in 30 minutes, and now I can add "I blogged for like 10 25 minutes" on my what-I-did-at-the-library list.

fureakin pms.